


not so blue christmas

by Hannah_ruth_990



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Season/Series 12, Brother Feels, Canon Divergent, Christmas Eve, Christmas fic, Established Relationship, Fluffy Ending, Holidays, M/M, POV Dean, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-07 20:35:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8815429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hannah_ruth_990/pseuds/Hannah_ruth_990
Summary: Dean is thrilled to have his whole family together for their first official Winchester Christmas in the bunker, but it's Christmas Eve and Cas still isn't home yet.He still tries to enjoy Christmas Eve with Mary and Sam, but he can't help feeling a little blue without his angel there.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I started writing this before season 12 aired so it's canon divergent, as Mary doesn't leave and neither does Cas.  
> Cas is still on the Lucifer hunt with Crowley, but up until the events of this fic, it's been more research and scouring the internet than actual leads that take Cas away from the Winchesters.
> 
> I wrote this for the SPN holiday mixtape and my song was Blue Christmas by Elvis Presley
> 
> This is my first challenge fic EVER (well the spnmixtape isn't really a challenge, but you know what I mean) and I must say I kind of enjoyed having a deadline. Towards the end that deadline was frustrating as writers block decided to say 'hello', but I pushed through it an eventually got it done :)
> 
> I want to thank FrecklesandFeathers for suggesting this challenge to me, it means a lot that you encourage my writing and I was honoured when you asked me to beta your own fic. You're an amazing woman and writer :)

 

The smell of coffee drifting through the bunker pleasantly wakes Dean from an equally pleasant dream about his first kiss with Castiel.

On the search to save Sam from the British MOLs, Dean and Cas had grown closer, and after an awkward emotional talk with his mother, Dean had decided that 8 years was long enough. He was done denying himself and in his line of work, there would never really be a right time to start a relationship, bad shit would always be going down, so why **not** now?  So mind made up, he'd kissed Cas. He’d kissed him softly, cradling his face in his hands. And Cas had kissed him back. It had been a slow kiss, full of love and longing and to be honest, it was the best kiss of Dean's life. Only stopping to catch their breath, they'd rested their foreheads together and Dean had whispered those three treasured words into the diminutive space between their lips. Cas had actually cried at Dean's confession but was quick to follow with an " _i love you too, Dean_ " before sealing their mouths together again. They spent that night on a crappy motel bed sharing lazy kisses and simply just holding each other until Dean had fallen asleep in his angels arms, a content smile on his face.

Dean remembers waking up in those same arms the next morning and thinking ' _I can't believe I finally have this_ '. He smiles at the memory but it soon falls as he looks over to the empty side of his bed. _Their_ bed.They hadn't spent a night apart until four days ago, when Crowley called them with a lead on Lucifer.They still had the MOL to deal with but were taking a much needed break to celebrate Christmas. Mary had been so downcast that the boys hadn't celebrated Christmas since before Dean went to hell (and boy had that been a fun tale to tell his recently resurrected mother), so she'd insisted that this year would be their first official Christmas as a family. Unfortunately the Lucifer problem wasn't something they could just let sit. Unlike the MOL (who had suddenly gone quiet), Lucifer was causing trouble and had to be dealt with asap. Dean had wanted to go with Cas, but the angel had insisted he stay home and enjoy the holiday with his mum, and that he'd be back for christmas. Then he'd packed his duffel, gotten into an SUV with Crowley and was off.

Dean sits up and swings his legs over the side of the bed and sighs, running his hands over his face. Four days apart from Cas shouldn't be this hard, heck they'd been apart for longer. But they're finally _together_ now, in the way they've both wanted for years, and Dean just wanted to spend the first real holiday as a family _with_ his family, which Cas is a part of. He shakes his head, trying to dislodge the pensive thoughts from his mind. Cas said he'd be home for christmas, so he'll be home for christmas. But it's also christmas eve and he hasn't heard from him yet. Yes it's only early morning, but he just wants a text from Cas saying he's on his way home or better yet, that he's just an hour away and is stopping at that bakery Dean loves to get some pie.

He checks his phone and yep, no messages. His wishful thinking is interrupted by a knock on his door.

"Come in"

Mary pokes her head in the room and smiles before opening the door completely.

"Good morning"

Dean gives her a soft smile "Morning mum"

Her mum instincts must pick up his mood as she comes in and sits next to him, wrapping an arm around his waist.

"Still no word from Cas yet?"

Dean shakes his head, "Nah, not since yesterday when he said they'd finally found one of Lucifer’s new demon buddies".

Mary rubs his back and smiles reassuringly.

"He said he'd be home for christmas, so I have no doubt that he'll keep his promise"

"I know", Dean sighs and runs a hand over his mouth, "it's just - we just -", he sighs again then looks at Mary and gives her a doleful smile, "it's the first actual break we've had in years and you're here and Cas and I are finally, ya know, _together_. I just wanted to spend Christmas as a family and do lame ass stuff that normal families do."

Mary laughs beside him, "Lame ass stuff that normal families do?"

He can't help but laugh along with her, "Yeah lame ass stuff, like decorating a christmas tree, making cliché cookies, drinking a shit load of eggnog while watching horrible, cheesy christmas movies"

Mary controls her laughter and grins at him, "We can still do all that." She takes Dean's hand into her own and gives it a loving squeeze, "I know you wanted all of us home for those things, but Cas isn't here at the moment and I know for fact that he'd still want you to enjoy this holiday"

Dean nods in agreement because yeah, Cas told him as much before he left.

Mary gives his hand one more squeeze before releasing it and standing up.

"So today we are going to make stupidly cliché cookies, decorate a tree and watch torturous christmas movies. And then tomorrow when Cas is back home, we're going to open up presents and watch more christmas movies and _eat_ all the cliche cookies"

Dean can't help but smile openly at her enthusiasm. He's so happy to have her back in his life. He gets up and wraps her in a hug and whispers a "thank you" into her hair.

They stay like that for a while until Mary pulls away.

"Now cmon, your brother is cooking breakfast and I'm not sure I trust him not to burn the eggs. He does make some good coffee though"

And with that, she turns and leaves the room leaving Dean shaking his head and chuckling, while he grabs some clean clothes and heads for the showers.

 

* * *

 

After a refreshing shower and only a slightly burnt breakfast (and thank Chuck it wasn't the bacon that was the casualty of Sam's cooking), Dean gathered up everyones dishes and made his way to the sink to start washing up. It was an unspoken rule that whoever made the meal didn't have to do the dishes, and both the boys refused to let Mary do them if either one of them cooked. She'd tried to protest but they wouldn't budge.

"One day I'm going to beat you to those dishes"

Dean smirks and looks over at Mary who is making her way over to the walk in pantry.

"Well when that day comes, I'll willingly accept my defeat"

Mary huffs a laugh, then opens the pantry and begins pulling out what looks to be baking ingredients. Finishing up the last of the dishes, Dean empties the sink, wiping his hands on the dish towel, then makes his way over to look at the items his mother had gathered.

"We starting on cliché cookies already?"

Mary adds a bag of flour to the ingredients on the counter then moves to the fridge to grab the butter.

"Sam informed me that we didn't have the necessary ingredients to bake _and_ decorate cookies, so he insisted on doing an emergency food run." She turns to Dean, an amused smile on her face "He seemed rather excited"

Dean returns her smile easily. He's doing that a lot more now; smiling. Sam had casually mentioned it to him one morning over coffee. Just a simple _"you're smiling a lot more. It's good"_ , then he'd grabbed his coffee mug and disappeared out of the kitchen. And Dean had just stared after him then nodded to himself because yeah, he had been smiling more. His mother was alive, his brother was safe and his angel was finally _his._

"Well we didn't really get to do all this," he gestures to the baking goods on the counter, "when we were kids so -". His sentence trails off and he feels a stab of guilt when his mother's face falls to something more somber.

"I'm sorry you didn't get to have a normal childhood," She looks up and Dean can see tears beginning to form in her eyes. "I'm sorry you didn't get to have normal lives"

Dean instantly pulls her into a hug. "Hey, we already talked about this. It's not your fault. None of it's your fault." He hears Mary sniffle and tightens his hold on her. "We played the cards we were dealt. Yes our lives have been pretty shitty, but right now," he pulls back and ducks his head to catch her eyes, "right now life is pretty fucking good. Sure Lucifer is roaming the earth and a secret society is after our asses, but my family is alive and safe. And that's really all I need."

The smile Mary wore before Dean opened his big mouth returns and he really wants to see if he can make that smile grow, so he plasters on his trademark cocky smirk and says "Plus if a lot of that bad shit didn't happened, I wouldn't have met Cas and that would've been a damn shame" he finishes with a wink and Mary bursts out laughing which has Dean grinning from ear to ear. Mission accomplished.

Wanting to keep the new atmosphere of feel good vibes going, Dean turns their attention back to the ingredients Mary pulled out.

"So if we don't have all the stuff for cookies, what's all this for?"

And if Dean thought he was in a good mood before, the next word out of his mother’s mouth just improves it tenfold.

"Pie"

 

* * *

 

Despite Mary not really cooking before her death, and Dean's cooking experience limited to motel kitchens, a few occasions at Bobby's and the last couple of years in the bunker, the freshly baked pie actually looks wonderful. The crust is a perfect golden brown and it smells so delicious that Dean wants to dig in straight away, but a look from his mother and he begrudgingly resists.

"Is that pie?"

Dean looks up to see Sam entering the kitchen, bags of groceries in his hands and a cheerful grin on his face.

"Course it's pie Sammy! What kind of holiday would it be if we didn't have pie?"

Sam puts the bags down on the counter and gives his brother bitch face #27 then starts unpacking.

"Okay, I'm pretty sure I got everything we need to make cookies. I also did a mini supply run, so we're all set to just relax and enjoy christmas without running out of food and essentials"

"Smart thinking Sammy" Dean answers as he grabs the eggnog, beer and other cold goods from the bags and begins to put them away in the fridge.

"And I thought if I missed anything, Cas can just pick it up on his way back"

The mention of his angel stops Dean in his tracks. He'd managed to distract himself from missing Cas while he and Mary had been making the pie, but Sam had unknowingly opened up the floodgates to his mind and Dean feels Cas's absence hit him like a ton of bricks.  

"Yeah that's uh," Dean clears his throat, "yeah". He closes the fridge door and leans his forehead on the cool surface. Cas isn't gone for good, he's just chasing down a lead and then will be coming home. Yet Dean can't help feeling blue that Cas isn't with them, with him, about to make stupid christmas cookies.

Sam gives Dean a concerned look and turns to Mary to fill him in on what he's missed, but she just shakes her head and picks up Sam's laptop that has been resting on the counter with a pie recipe on the screen, and walks over to Dean.

"Dean?" Dean turns to his mother who grants him a soft, kind smile. She holds the laptop out to him. "Why don't you open up the page with the cookie recipe while Sam and I get everything else set up? I'm still getting used to computers"

Dean gingerly takes the laptop from Mary. He knows what she's doing and he appreciates it. He just needs a minute or two to pull himself together. He hates that Cas simply not being in the bunker for a few days has him in a downer mood, but he loves that dorky angel and always misses him when they're apart, even more so now that they're a thing. So while Mary and Sam potter around the kitchen gathering mixing bowls and baking trays, Dean sits down at the table and opens up the recipe for cookies they'd all agreed upon at breakfast. Page loaded and ready to go, Dean grabs his phone and snaps a quick picture of the screen and sends it to Cas along with a message.

 

**About to attempt making these bad boys. Hopefully Sammy doesn't light anything on fire.**

**Wish you were here.**

**I miss you**

 

He knows Cas is busy hunting down demons for intel on Lucifer, so he's surprised when he gets a reply straight away.

 

I look forward to trying one when I return home, that is, if you and your brother don't consume them all. Actually ask Mary to put aside a few for me, just to be on the safe side.

I miss you too Dean, and wish I could be back home, instead of chasing down demons. 

 

Dean can't stop the smile that breaks out on his face and the warmth spreading in his chest at Castiel referring to the bunker as home. There has always been a place for Cas in the bunker, but Dean had been a coward and never asked him to stay, permanently. He'd been too afraid of Cas saying no, but it turned out Cas had been hoping for a long time that the brothers would ask. Sam had actually beaten Dean to the punch and asked Cas to stay while Dean was having his feelings talk with his mother, so even if Dean hadn't kissed him and started this new part of their relationship, he would've returned to the bunker and stayed.

Cas asking for them to save him a few cookies just makes Dean's smile widen. For a long time whenever Cas ate, all he could taste were molecules. He missed being able to taste food, so with his grace fully operational, he'd begun experimenting trying to pull his grace back to allow him to actually taste food. It took a few tries but eventually he figured it out and now enjoyed the basic pleasure and taste of food. He was extremely fond of coffee (which was the only substance he could still taste without reining in his grace), burgers, PB & J,  and to Dean's delight, cherry pie.

He made a mental note to hide some cookies for Cas.

 

**Will do angel**

**Do you think you will still make it back today?**

 

Unfortunately I do not know at this point in time, Lucifer's minions have caused more trouble here than first anticipated. 

I have to go now Dean, I'm sorry. 

 

He can't help feeling bummed at Cas having to go so soon, but he reminds himself that Lucifer has to be stopped and how Cas had explained deeply that he needed to be active in doing it.

 

**It's alright Cas.**

**Love you.**

**Be safe.**

 

Promise. 

I love you too _ol monons_

 

Dean blushes reading the pet name Cas has taken to calling him. He's never said it in english, only ever in enochian and usually it's whispered into Dean's skin as Cas moves inside him, slow and powerful, always managing to hit that special spot just right until -

"What's got you blushing? Ugh please tell me you and Cas aren't sexting!"

Dean shifts around to see his brother staring at him with his face scrunched up in a grimace.

"I'm not blushing, bitch"

Sam just grins smugly. "Uh huh sure you're not, jerk"

Mary covers her mouth, trying to hold back a laugh at her boys teasing. Dean shakes his head before getting to his feet with the laptop.

"Anyway, Cas just texted, said he doesn't know if he'll be back tonight, but to save him some cookies." Dean smirks at Sam, "So control yourself Sammy, or you'll have an angel on your ass"

Without missing a beat Sam replies, "The only one with an angel on their ass here is you Dean. Or rather, in your ass"

Mary bursts into laughter as Dean lunges towards his brother.

 

* * *

 

After an impromptu wrestling match where Sam cried uncle, the christmas cookies were finally baked and decorated. Mary was actually quite artistic and her cookies looked almost professionally done. Sam and Dean's definitely had room for improvement. They'd made a variety of christmas trees, snowmen and angels, which they'd decorated with different coloured trench coats and ties, though Dean had iced one with a tan coat and blue tie. That one he put with the rest of the cookies put aside for Cas.

Once everything is cleaned up, they moved to the library where Dean had set up a makeshift lounge room a couple of weeks ago. The boys let Mary pick the first xmas flick and to their surprise she choses Die Hard, claiming Dean had told her it was was a christmas classic. That earned Dean bitch face #16 from Sam. After Die Hard (which Mary enjoyed almost as much as Dean), Sam steers the viewing to the actual classics and they proceeded to watch Miracle on 34th street, The Santa Clause and A Charlie Brown Christmas. Deciding to have an intermission break from their cheesy christmas movie marathon after Charlie Brown, Mary suggests they finally decorate the tree. They've been putting it off for days now, wanting to wait for Castiel so that they could all do it as a family. But the angel doesn't know when he'll be home, and Dean knows Cas wants them to continue on without him, so he gets up and motions for Sam to help him grab the decorations they'd bought along with the tree.

When they return to the library, they find Mary at the old record player browsing through the vinyl collection the Men of Letters had left. She pulls an album out and holds it up to show them.

"What do you think? In the mood for a little Elvis?"

Dean looks at the album in her hands, _Elvis' Christmas Album._ "Yeah, I can dig Elvis"

Mary beams at him, "Your grandparents had this album and we used to listen to it every christmas. When your father and I got married, I made sure to carry on that tradition."

Her smile begins to turn sorrowful at the memory of her dead parents, "It made me feel like they were still part of my life, even though they were gone"

Before Sam or Dean can get a word of comfort in, Mary turns to the record player and carefully puts the album on. _Santa Claus is back in town_ begins to play and Mary playfully sways her hips to the song. She holds out her hand to Sam who takes it and then the two are dancing and laughing while Dean watches them with amusement. Halfway through the song, Mary twirls out of Sam's arms and grabs Dean's hand, dragging him towards her. He goes willingly and dances with his mother until the song ends and then the three Winchesters turn their attention to the empty tree. They spend the next few minutes hanging up mismatched baubles and tinsel to the sound of Elvis. The tree is looking festive and the only things left to add are lights and a tree topper, so while Sam and Mary dig through decorations for a star, Dean sits down and begins to open the new christmas lights. A new song begins to play, the lyrics catching Dean's attention.

 

_I'll have a blue Christmas without you_

_I'll be so blue just thinking about you_

_Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree_

_Won't be the same dear, if you're not here with me_

 

His mind instantly goes to Cas and how he misses him so much that sometimes it physically hurts. The whole day there has been this underlying ache and no matter how he distracts himself, he just hasn't been able to shake it. He's enjoyed spending time with his family, but his angel is a part of that family and it's just not the same with him gone. He instantly feels like shit for the fact that Mary and Sam apparently aren't enough to make him content and happy, that he's become one of those needy partners that can't even function properly without their significant other around. A small voice of reason in his head (that sounds suspiciously like Sam) tells him that Cas isn't just his partner/boyfriend, but also his best friend and that it's perfectly healthy to miss him, especially since their relationship is so new. But Dean is well _Dean_ and is no stranger to self deprecation, so he pointedly ignores the voice in favour of the louder more familiar one. He gets up and heads to the kitchen, calling over his shoulder that he's grabbing the eggnog and some pie.

Once in the kitchen, Dean pulls out two cartons of eggnog and the pie he and Mary made earlier that day and places them on a tray along with 3 forks and cups. He also grabs some bourbon from their shared kitchen stash (because bourbon + eggnog = merry fucking christmas), and before adding it to the tray and heading back to the library, pours himself a cup and downs it quickly.

 

* * *

 

After a thorough eggnog break,  the Winchesters are pleasantly buzzed and soon in a fit of giggles, as Sam somehow manages to become entangled in the string of christmas lights while trying to wrap them around the tree. Mary and Dean eventually help him untangle himself after they've controlled their laughter and then the three settle in for some more movies. They watch a few more films (The Grinch, The Family Man and A Walt Disney Christmas because apparently Dean had loved it when he was 3) before Mary suggests they play a game of poker, using the christmas cookies as chips. Mary ends up kicking their asses, so after a few games they switch to go fish and add the addition of having to take a shot of bourbon induced eggnog whenever they get _'go fished'_. After three games, a slightly tipsy Mary calls it quits and bids her boys goodnight with hugs and forehead kisses, then heads to her room.  

Dean looks at his watch and seeing that it's not _overly_ late, suggests that he and Sam watch another movie. He's not ready to be alone with his thoughts, because he knows, thanks to that stupid Elvis song, that they'll be of Cas and how he's not _home_. The alcohol he's consumed is doing a pretty decent job of keeping such thoughts of his angel at bay, so while Sam puts on Home Alone, Dean pours them the last of the eggnog, adds an extra shot of bourbon to his and quickly grabs them each a beer from the fridge.

By the time the credits roll, the bottle of bourbon is empty and their beers gone. Dean does the mental calculation in his head and yep, he drank a majority of the bourbon himself. He kind of hates himself for falling back onto alcohol, it's been a while since he drank himself stupid, but he really wants to drown out that oh so familiar voice that tells him he's pathetic for needing and missing Cas so much and how much of a shitty human being he is for not being content with what he has.

He doesn't even noticed Sam has gotten up to put the movies away until his brother is talking to him.

"Hey Dean, you alright? It's just, I noticed you were pretty friendly with the bourbon tonight and you haven't really drunk that much in a while"

He can hear the genuine concern in Sam's voice and a small part of him, the no chick flick moments, womanizing, soldier Dean, wants to shrug the question off with a signature Winchester _"I'm fine"_ . But the bigger part, the part of himself that he is actually learning to like, the part that enjoys LARPing, occasionally rocking out to taylor swift, binge watching Dr Sexy, early morning cuddles with his _boyfriend_ and baking pie in the kitchen with his mum, that part of him doesn't shy away from talking about feelings. Ever since Mary has been back and he and Cas have gone from friends to _more_ , he's found himself being more open about his feelings and what's on his mind and hell, he actually _likes_ it. Talking to someone else about the thoughts swimming around in his head actually feels pretty freaking freeing.

"Uh yeah. I mean no, no I'm - " Dean sighs and drops his head in his hands, rubbing his temple in an effort to quiet his mind enough to articulate an answer. He decides to just say the most dominant thought running through his head. "I miss Cas. Like really freaking miss him."

He raises his head to look at his brother, and finds Sam simply smiling kindly down at him on the couch.

"Well yeah, you always miss him when he's gone. I'd imagine even more so now, seeing as you two are together. It's perfectly normal"

"Perfectly normal?" Dean shakes his head and huffs a humorless laugh, "Sammy I - I should be over the freaking moon with happiness today. It's christmas eve and we're actually getting to celebrate it, with our _mother,_ and yet - "

"You're not 100%, because Cas isn't here"

"Exactly! God I feel like shit for feeling like this" He drops his head in his hands again.

"Dean, what you're feeling, it's normal okay?" Sam lowers himself onto the couch next to Dean and leans forward so his elbows are resting on his knees, "The years I was at Stanford, I spent some of the holidays with Jess and her family. Now I should have been content, I was with my girlfriend and actually getting to live a normal life, which is what I wanted at the time. But a part of me - a part of me missed you and dad."

Dean looks over at his brother, who is staring down at his hands. Sam doesn't really talk about Jessica or his time in Stanford, sometimes he'll offhandedly mention something but most of the time it doesn't come up. It's a closed chapter of his life that ended in heartache. If Sam is openly bringing it up, Dean's sure as hell going to pay attention.

"The first christmas I celebrated with Jess? I drank myself stupid. I missed you and I didn't know how to cope, so I drank. Jess looked after me, though she was so worried." A small fond smile crosses Sam's face as he continues, "Heh, I remember her giving me this angry, concerned talking to and I just ended up breaking down right there by the toilet. I told her I missed my family and that was all she needed to hear. She understood and told me it was okay to miss people sometimes, that it was okay to feel sad about someone's absence. That even in moments where,  logically, I should be happy, I'm allowed not to be."

Sam's looking at him now, and Dean is just so fucking grateful to have such a great and understanding little brother. He's also grateful that Sam had Jess, even though it wasn't for long. After losing Cas so many times, the most recent being Lucifer, Dean understands Sam's grief over Jessica a whole lot better now.  He lost Cas to the leviathan and almost drank himself into an early grave. How Sam made it through day after day back then, he'll never know.

He doesn't know what to say, so he just says the first thing that comes into his head.

"I'm sorry"

Sam gives him a confused look, his brows furrowed. "Why?"

"For Jess. I mean _shit_ ," Dean throws his hands up in exasperation then slumps back into the couch, "Cas is freaking _alive_ and here I am moping and drinking, where you actually _lost_ her, yet still managed to keep going. I just - you're fucking incredible ya know that?" He's looking at Sam in awe because his brother _is_ incredible. And strong. He freaking overpowered Lucifer once upon a time and his soul spent a year in the cage.

 _"_ Uh thanks Dean" Sam awkwardly pats him on the shoulder, "I think you may have had a bit too much to drink"

"Pfft dude, this is me we're talking about here. Still fully functional" He flashes Sam a smile which is returned with a laugh and a shaggy haired head shake.

"Okay mr fully functional, if you're alright, I'm going to head off to bed."

Dean knows that Sam would stay up with him some more if he asked, but he feels marginally better about things after their talk.

"Yeah I'm all good here Sammy. Thanks though for, ya know."

Sam nods and claps Dean on the knee, "Anytime". He stands up and starts heading towards the bedrooms before pausing and turning back to Dean. "You going to bed soon or?"

Even though his mind has lulled and he could quite easily fall asleep, Dean isn't ready to call it a night just yet. He wants to double check everything, make sure the dishes are washed, food is put away, plus he wants to check in with Cas and see if he's on his way home.

"Nah, I'm gonna stay up for a bit more, maybe watch some more Die Hard"

Sam rolls his eyes then gives Dean a lazy salute. "Goodnight jerk"

"Night bitch"

Dean watches his brother trudge off towards his room before getting to his feet and making his way to the kitchen and checking everything is good to go for the first official Winchester Family Christmas in the bunker. He grabs himself a small slice of pie and a glass of water, then goes back to the library, puts on Die Hard 2 and sits back down on the couch. As the opening credits roll, he reaches into his pocket for his phone. He's not surprised to see there's no new messages, he and Cas haven't really been able to talk a lot these last few days thanks to Lucifer and his ever growing gang of demonic minions. He's once again hit with how much he misses his angel, but this time he tries not to dwell on the fact that he's not here. Instead he embraces the fact that _yes_ he misses Cas, and that's okay. He unlocks his phone and opens up his messages, typing out a quick **_Hope you're okay. See you soon?_** And because it's Cas, he even adds the heart emoticon at the end before hitting send and settling back into the couch cushions.

 

* * *

 

Castiel had been planning on driving home to the bunker as soon as he and Crowley had wrapped up with the latest lead on Lucifer, but Dean's longing had increased to a point where it overwhelmed all of Cas's senses and he found it hard to concentrate on the tasks at hand, so driving was out of the question. He knew his hunter must be missing him fiercely, so he'd asked Crowley if he would be kind enough to zap him to the bunker at the earliest convenience. Unfortunately the earliest convenience wasn't until after midnight christmas morning, thanks to an unruly, uncooperative demon that Castiel was quite content smiting.

Carefully opening the bunker's entrance, Castiel waves his thanks to Crowley before he slips inside, quietly locking the door behind him. He slowly makes his way down the stairs, trying to make as little noise as possible as it's more than likely everyone is asleep. He's just about to head towards his and Dean's room, when a flicker of light from the library catches his eye. He looks over and realizes that the light is coming from the television, which shows the title menu of Die Hard 2. Placing his duffel bag on the war room table, Cas ventures into the library and is soon greeted by the sight of Dean, fast asleep on the couch. The sight of his human asleep always bring a fond smile to Cas’s face. Dean looks so much younger in sleep, the weight of the world not weighing him down, letting his facial features smooth out in calm and peace.

Quietly making his way around the couch, Cas crouches down in front of the sleeping hunter and reaches a hand out and gently cups Dean's cheek. He can't help but smile fondly that even in sleep, Dean leans into his touch. He can sense alcohol in Dean’s system, more than just a beer or two worth, so he effortlessly uses his grace to clear it away so that Dean won’t suffer any effects of it in the morning. He strokes Dean’s cheek with his thumb before leaning in to place a kiss on his forehead. When he pulls back, Dean is blinking sleepily at him and he knows the exact moment that the hunter fully registers his presence as his lips curl up into an adorable lazy smile.

"Cas"

Dean just saying his name with such affection sends a shot of warmth to his heart that he's sure he'll never get used to.

"Merry Christmas ol monons "

Cas feels Dean’s soul pulse with such love and devotion before the hunter closes the small space between them and seals their lips together. Castiel will never get over how right and amazing it feels to have Dean kiss him, and he's thankful everyday that he gets to have this. That _they_ get to have this.

Dean pulls away to catch his breath, but he doesn't go far, simply rests his forehead against Cas's. He has that smile on his face that he reserves just for Cas and it never fails to make the angel feel like he can fly, wings or not.

"Merry Christmas sweetheart” The words are whispered softly against his lips before Dean softly claims them again. “I’m glad you’re home"

“As am I beloved, as am I”

 

When Sam comes across them in the morning, curled up on the couch, asleep in each other’s arms, he can’t resist snapping a photo. Smiling down at the picture, Sam can’t help but think _what a merry christmas indeed._

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> ol monons - my heart


End file.
